I went for my first night out in the centre of London on Friday night. I hit the bars of Bloomsbury and Covent Garden with some friends from the area and it was almost disappointingly tame. The highlight was the ever-present dancing businessmen. The Savile Row Shuffle deserves international recognition and maybe even a dictionary definition:
Savile Row Shuffle (n)
Urban dance style favoured by London buisnessmen over the age of 30. Consists of locking the arms to the upper body and rotating to do small punches, likened to a ‘kerching’ mime, while shuffling the feet in no particular direction. These movements are not in time to the music in question and are usually accompanied by inebriation and leering.
But the real adventure started on the night bus. We had a marathon trek from Oxford Street to Colliers Wood via Camden Park. We started off as the only passengers after a friendly bus driver let us on at the terminus. It was after 2am but the bus soon filled up with an assortment of people from Made in Chelsea types to students and, it turned out, a wannabe standup comedian.
It all kicked off when a woman boarding the bus failed to understand that her day ticket did not cover nightbuses on, technically, the next day. The bus driver patiently tried to explain while the woman repeatedly yelled ‘I PAID MY TWO POUND TWENTY’. In true London fashion, everyone did their best to ignore this until, after a couple of minutes, they realised that it was going to carry on indefinitely. A couple of passengers went up to try and calm the lady down and, seeing his opportunity, the comedian took the stage.
He stood up by the stairs and announced: ‘This bus isn’t going anywhere until someone sucks my dick’.
Noone laughed. But he carried on merrily, suggesting ’someone needs to suck that guy’s dick,’ and eventually arriving at ’someone needs to suck the bus driver’s dick!’. When noone stepped forward to carry out the task, he joined the growing crowd negotiating at the front of the bus. The driver must have been quite intimidated, because he threatened to call the police (’YOU CAN CALL THE POLICE, BECAUSE I PAID MY TWO POUND TWENTY!’). But then he just threw the whole lot of them off the bus, including the comedian who looked distinctly bad-tempered as he gave the passing bus a two-fingered salute.
So, about half an hour after we set off we were finally on the way. One passenger asked if we were friends with the comedian. When we said no, he smiled knowingly and said ‘he was just trying to go home with you’. Of course. When he got off the bus, he asked my boyfriend ‘Can I take her?’, pointing to me. I said no.
After that it was an uneventful journey, apart from the obligatory drunk shennanigans. Most people were just asleep, and two hours after we left Oxford Street, so were we. Next time I’m getting the tube.
In response to the creation of Cosmo on Campus, which I wrote a comment piece on earlier in the year, I started a project with the university’s Women’s Committee to create a women’s magazine parody. The original deadline passed at the end of term and we didn’t have enough submissions for a print run, so The F Word kindly invited me to write a guest blog calling for more writers. As I’ve now graduated the committee has taken over submissions but hopefully I’ll see the final product in the Autumn.
Submissions are completely open to anyone with a funny, feminist article that parodies Cosmopolitan and glossy ‘women’s magazines’ like it. If you’d like to write something, send it to email@example.com.
In other news, I am now a graduate. My final result was a first, which I’m chuffed about, and I’ll be going back up to York next week for the graduation ceremony. At the moment it’s all a bit surreal, but real life is approaching, along with the start of my journalism NCTJ. I won’t be writing much over the summer but I’ll keep the blog posted with anything interesting that happens.
If you don’t know what on earth that means, read my newest contribution to the ‘Unpublished articles’ page. If you know exactly what that means, definitely read it. Because it’s aimed at you. ‘Man up and get a bromance you lad’ is a feature I wrote for The F Word that (probably) isn’t going to be published.
It discusses current slang trends, how they evolved and what they actually mean. Because it seems that a lot of young people who use phrases like ‘man up’ and ‘lad’ only think about what they mean and don’t realise what they’re actually saying. It’s a mistake we often make with language, so feast your eyes and have a think.
Term’s started, the student media is gearing back up and I’m writing again. In light of the upcoming referendum on electoral reform, I wrote this article for York Vision about why we can’t let the ‘no’ campaign’s use of Clegg bashing blind us to the real decision at hand.
The latest edition of The Lemon Press was published last week, including an article I wrote in response to David Willetts’ absurd claim that feminism causes male working class unemployment. And a rap by Brian ‘banter’ Cantor. Being involved with the editing for the first time was great fun, can’t wait for the next issue. Unfortunately the magazine hasn’t been published online yet, but I’ll add it to the catalogue when it appears.
…is a new(ish) off-shoot of the Cosmopolitan family aimed directly at female students. I came accross it at university last week and was so appalled that I immediately wrote this comment article for York Vision. I’m also heading a project with the University of York Women’s Committee to create a spoof version of the magazine with a mix of satire and serious articles within a classic ‘women’s interest’ format. Unfortunately we can’t get it completed until next term, but hopefully I’ll be able to get it online.
Have a look at the magazine’s website to see what the fuss is about. Or better still, get hold of a copy. If you’re anything like me, it won’t be in one piece by the time you’ve finished reading it.
…is the title of a feature that I’ve just had published in York Vision. It explores this history of annual women’s event Reclaim the Night and its transformation over the years. It discusses its relevance today in light of the police response to the murder of Joanna Yeates and the way the event can be used to draw support for many causes. The University of York’s Reclaim the Night event is happening tomorrow night as part of a campaign for better lighting around the campus.